Phone Calls

I would love it and smile to myself, the rare times when He calls and start singing the moment I answered the phone.

Untitled

This song, I remembered it was playing on the ferry tv on our first trip to Bintan when we were not even together yet. I liked the song and asked Him what's the title of the song.

Cry

If one cannot cry out loud. The only option is to cry in the heart.

Raining

It is raining heavily. Why is it till now the thought of having Him riding safely still comes to my mind.

Longchamp and Agnes B

I am not going to buy or carry a Longchamp or Agnes b again.

Memory Loss

How I wished, I would knocked my head and suffer from memory loss that would make me forget Him.

Podcasts

Was on Podcasts. Browsing through what's good to download. Came across Men's Health. For 3 seconds, I thought of downloading it for Him. Then I realised. This privilege no longer belongs to mine. This privilege belongs to someone else.

Let Go

It is not whether I can let go or not. The real issue is whether I want to let go or not.

I know, I have to even though, honestly, I don't want to.

When will my heart ache be gone....

Dream

If only this whole episode was just a dream and I will wake up with Him still with me.

Hair

He ever mention before that He likes it when girls pull half their hair and tie it up at e back. I did that in Japan for him. But it doesn't matter to Him anymore at that point of time. His heart wasn't with me when we were there. Only His body is with me. His heart was in Singapore with Her.

Nobody can imagine how hurtful it was for me when He was with me yet looking for stuff for Her.

1st Sunday

I dreamt of Him eariler. It made me waking up feeling shitty all over again.

I have to get used to the fact that from now on, He will be having weekend getaways with this other person.

He will fart freely around that person. He will hold someone else's hand to sleep. He will ask that someone else "hao bu hao".




I miss holding His hand to sleep. I miss having Him beside me on bed.
I always love it when he kiss my eyes.

Carousel

No more Carousel at Royal Plaza Hotel for me anymore.

Kway Chap

They say I can eat my favoutite Kway Chap again. My mum wants to buy it for me. But I said I'm not ready to eat it now. It would be tastless to me.

I don't mind not eating pork as long as I can be with the person I love.

Harry Porter

We said we will watch Harry Porter together. I will never watch Harry Porter again

Scent

Don't ever let me come across his perfume smell again. I will not be able to take it.

Actually, I miss his scent badly. I miss how I would used to smell the scent from his neck.

If I ever come across the secnt again, it would send my heart racing all over again.

Even before we came to this, there are times when I am out, whenever I came across this scent, it would send me frantically searching if its him though I know it is not possible.

5years ago, I was tipsy and told Sartha that I like his perfume smell. Even before we got together.

Better to love or to be love

He would rather love Her than to be loved by Me

1st Saturday

Siaw Hui is right to say that He is the priority of my life. Rather say He is my routine, He has become part of my life.

I didn't realise that I love Him more than i expected.

I would miss Him, be mad at Him till I couldn't breathe.

I miss holding His hands, hugging Him, kissing Him, breathing His breathe with my face close to His. I miss playing the "Where's the remote control game" with Him.

I miss being behind Him on his bike. I know, the person who could hug Him from behind has changed. That privilege is no longer mine, it now belongs to someone else. Just this thought, would send me breathless.

When the train passses by Toa Payoh, my heart will skip a beat. In actual fact, my heart is beating for Him. I cannot go AMK Hub even. We used to watch movies there. In the future, movies will be without Him. I won't eat Go Go Franks and Swensens' Mee Goreng again.

I cannot even bring myself to buy 8days anymore. I will be reminded of him if i do so.

Walked down Orchard Rd with Ying Ying,every corner we turned, I would mention to her that He and I used to.......
Just walking down from 313 Somerset to Taka would send me in tears. I couldn't bring myself to go Far East.
Went to Ion, I have to pretend that the corner of my eye did not see Fred Perry.

I have to learn to travel alone. I have lost my travel partner.

Ying Ying said that I could eat pork now freely...but I still unconsciously picked out all e pork in the congee.

Everyone says this is not going to be easy on me at all. It takes time. I don't know how long I will need.

The only thing I am sure is that He will always hold a place in my heart, Despite what He has done to me, to our relationship.

People around me can't bear to see me cry again. I can only cry in my heart.

What you're made of

Just like I predicted, we're at the point of no return
We can go backwards, and no corners have been turned
I can't control it, if I sink or if I swim
'Cause I chose the waters that I'm in

And it makes no difference who is right or wrong
I deserve much more than this
'Cause there's only one thing I want

[Chorus]
If it's not what you're made of
You're not what I'm looking for
You were willing but unable to give me anymore
There's no way,
You're changing,
Cause some things will just never be mine,
You're not in love this time...but it's alright.

I hear you talking, but your words don't mean a thing
I doubt you ever put your heart into anything
It's not much to ask for, to get back what I put in
But I chose the waters that I'm in

And it makes no difference who is right or wrong
I deserve much more than this
'Cause there's only one thing I want

[Chorus]
If it's not what you're made of
You're not what I'm looking for
You were willing but unable to give me anymore
There's no way,
You're changing,
Cause some things will just never be mine
You're not in love this time...but it's alright.

What's your definition of the one?
What do you really want him to become?
No matter what I sacrifice it's still never enough.

Just like I predicted
I will sink before I swim
'Cause these are the waters that I'm in

[Chorus]
If it's not what you're made of
You're not what I'm looking for
You were willing, but unable to give me anymore
There's no way,
You're changing,
'Cause some things will just never be mine
You're not in love this time.
Oh, if it's not what you're made of
You're not what I'm looking for
You were willing, but unable to give me anymore
There's no way,
You're changing,
'Cause some things will just never be mine
You're not in love this time
You're not in love this time
You're not in love this time...