Met Siaw Hui yesterday.

She asked Me, so now, after awhile, have I calmed down.
I replied yes. I did.

I told her I could control my emotions now better than it was initally. But honestly, I would still think of Him every single day. But I will try to keep myself occupied with stuff. I would blog almost everyday. When I blog out, I felt better.
There are good and bad days. Those bad days, I will look for KS or Ying to keep Me company. I will exhaust myself and fall asleep before I can slip into depressed mode. Work days mornings are easier. Because I will be rushing like mad to get ready.
I told her, I am basically emptying My love for Him day by day, bit by bit. Sometimes, filling with hatred.

But I told her, the fact is that We didn't had a chance to thrash stuff out. But Siaw Hui said she was the representative.

But actually, I thought to Myself, the very moment He admited He likes Her, there is nothing for US to say anymore. Whatever I say or He say is pointless.

Everything's Over.

Siaw Hui said He can now, have the world's time that He claimed He need. He can now have the world's time to train the new bies. That includes Her.
I said He should be happily going to work everyday. Because She will be there.

Siaw Hui asked Me, from the breakup till now, how long has it been.
I said it's been a month plus. But it feels longer than that to Me.

Well, it is indeed true that people say when you are happy, time seems to pass by faster. When you are miserable, every minute is like an hour to you.
It's true. I can vouch for that.
It was living hell for Me and I believe more hell days ahead. But I also believe in between these hell days, there will be a few days where I can see rainbow.

I told Siaw Hui, I have a clear conscious in this relationship. I did try my best to protect my love. But it won't work if He allows Himself to go to Her. I warned Him, I cautioned Him, I explained to Him, I cried, I tried My best to do things for Him. I trusted Him. But He appeared untrustworthy. And He indeed is. He was busy at work, I let Him be. He said I was clingy and needy. Yes. I admit. Because I know He was drifting away from Me. So I wanted to make my presence felt. I needed affirmation that We were still We.

Till that very last Sunday before We parted ways, I brought apples and wrapped it for Him to have a healthy snack in office. But He wasn't amazed by that at all.
It's true that when the person no longer loves you, whatever you do, it will not make them feel anything. That sunday, I tried to put on mascara. I told Him I just wanted to try mascara out. The fact was that, I just wanted Him to look at Me again. Really look at Me again. Look at the woman He onced loved.
Yes, I was this pathetic. I didn't tell anyone this. Because I was ashamed that I had to resort to this to have my boyfriend look at Me again.

Whatever I did was pointless. He was not with Me already.

Love is a beautiful thing but people have to stain it with their own selfish desires.