The cutie in the picture is Aayden, Teng Teng's son.
Had a gathering with the secondary girls last monday.
All right, to be honest, I was a bit reluctant to attend. I figured out that I probably have nothing much to contribute to the conservation. Indeed I was right.
80% of the conversation was surrounded by weddings, BTOs, venues for weddings, locations of flats, wedding dates, babies, motherhood and all. Everyone has something to say about their own situation except Carol and I.
Well, Carol has been with her boyfriend for 10 years. No joke, 10 years. To the point that neither She and her boyfriend wishes to get married. They are already an old couple in everyone's senses, just without that piece of signed paper. And that she said that she has seen cases of friends signing the M paper and soon after followed by the D paper. So heartwarming.
I have to admit, I did feel rather shitty that night. Even though I know I shouldn't be feeling that way. But I guess it's just natural to feel so. Sartha second to that too! She's being through that.
But this is not the first time for me to feel this way. Actually, about 2years ago, the last meet up with them, they all have some kind of a commitment going on already. Plans to get flat together, the girls were all given commitments. I was the only one who with no plans ahead and nothing as well. So, I think it's just part and parcel of my life. I suppose.
One silly joke to share here was there was one fine day when Ying Ying asked if I am going to buy a flat. Which I thought was the shoes "flats" instead of the HDB flat.
I was never one who would join in the rat race. Chasing after things that everyone is chasing after or be like my peers. My peers getting married and all doesn't really sent me into all frenzy though it does feels shitty. I believe in doing what's most comfortable for myself.
However the world would change, my beliefs should not change isn't it.
Sometimes, in my lowest point, I would ask myself if I was just not worth for the previous Him or maybe, even anyone to give me a commitment.
The previous Him, had actually entertained the thoughts of getting a flat with his mum for his so called investment purpose and said that if we do end up together, we could use that flat too. Making plans with the other and fitting the other to your plan is two different things.
Probably the previous Him and I had no plans because of our religion issues. I didn't wanted to convert. But the only way to marry the previous Him is to convert. Cohabiting was not an optional for the previous Him because He wanted a family unit and He doesn't wanted people to talk.
However, for me, I couldn't care that much so long I can be with the one I love.
The most ironic part was when I read that after our breakup, the previous He read about a BTO and did a calcualation of our salaries if we could fit the criteria. Isn't this way too late.
All the while the previous Him and I were together, countless people had cautioned me to think over this carefully. If I see no future with Him then end it soon before my youth and time is all wasted. True enough, my 5 years of youth and love was all wasted. Though it wasn't exactly because of that factor that we had to split but that does played a factor.
Commitment is tied to Responsibility.
If you are committed to your partner and your relationship, you have to be responsible for it.
Both have to be responsible for each other.
But alas, nowadays, Infidelity is a more commonly mentioned word than Commitment.
Sartha was telling me this secondary school mate of hers, a decent, goody and not good looking man who divorced his wife to be with another woman whom he got to know in his neighbourhood. And that the woman was even pregnant with his child. Sartha was telling me, if this sort of decent and not good looking man could be unfaithful, how about those other men out there?
Faithfulness... I am sorry, you are an outdated word.
Unfaithfulness is in now.
I am still trying to comprehend how could a person's love for another changed.
And I am still trying to figure out what and how I had done wrong in the previous relationship so that I would not make the same mistakes again.
All and all, what matters most is to be with the one you love.
Be with somebody who you love and who loves you too.
I had always thought it was a miracle to find somebody who you love and who loves you back too. How beautiful isn't it.
I know there are people out there who are just looking for a companion.
But I never had wanted to compromise love. I am not looking for a companion.
I am looking for my love.
Somebody who I can go to bed every night with and wake up with.
Somebody who is willing to eat Kway Chap and Ikea chicken wings with me anytime I want.
Somebody who is willing to take my PMS crap.
Somebody who is willing to hold my hand through all desirable and undesirable situations.
Somebody who is willing to make me laugh.
Somebody who is willing to grow old with me.
Somebody who is willing to hold the sky for me if it does falls on me one day.
Somebody who will love me forever.
The last criteria, I know it's diffcult to attain. Others will say almost impossible.
But, miracles do happen isn't it.
I am blessed now. To be able to find somebody I love. But, maybe for now. As I was told that things won't last, and that things will happen again. I would never ever want to go through what I went through 8 months ago. I don't want to believe it. But there is nothing that I could do. Except to pray and most importantly, love like as if there is no tomorrow.
Yes, there is another thing that I could do here and now, that is to silently tell everyone that I love Mr Facebook 101. Shhhhh...... Just silently...........
